Opposition of Fleshy Parts

It happened folks. After dinner the other night, while sitting in the most comfortable chair in the world. I sighed the sigh of a man who ate the absolute best combination of chicken pot pie, ice cream and coke and then, without the aid of conscious thought ... I unbuttoned my pants.

The feeling! I was relieved! I could breathe! Sit comfortably!

And now I must lose at least 5 pounds. Now, here's the deal. I must lose the weight. Why? Why conform to a society so critical in its judgment of physical appearance? Why not love me for me?

Why?

Because I can't afford it. I can't afford new pants. That's like ... at least 10 pairs of pants! And it's summer season so that's pants and shorts!!

Plus I miss being able to bend over and ...

tie my shoes. There's just too much flesh in opposition of itself and it has got to go.

So, stay tuned. I'm losing weight.