That's Fizix

I often believe that if I were born in another time and place I would be a genius. How awesome would it have been to be Isaac Newton? I mean basically, he made observations and then wrote them down and then said then in rightfully fanciful verbiage. Really, did he do anything that anyone else couldn’t have done? I mean, I can guarantee you there was some dude at a party just a few days after Newton would make one his “discoveries” saying, “Did I not just say that to you the other day? Damn I should have written that down.”

Now, don’t get me wrong, yes, Newton is a genius. I mean, first, he had the common sense to write shit down. For instance, how many times have you been up late at night only to stumble across a commercial advertising, say, Doggy Steps and thought “I could have invented that! In fact, I’m sure I said something to someone sometime about how cruel it was to have a dog jump onto a bed, or how absurd it would be to, god forbid, pick it up!”

Secondly (and I use “secondly” knowing full well that my grad school advisor Dr. John Mueller is about to go into a tizzy and deduct 3 princess points) – secondly, he possessed a lexicon that made him seem smart and he used it well. I mean come on, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction?” How many drunk ass bastards are out there who not only proved that over and over but probably said just as much before, “Hell no, bitch, I can’t take a shot of Jaeger cause that shit makes me boot.” What’s the difference? Okay, so it’s not as elegant, but it gets the point across – For every action (shot of Jaeger) there is an equal and opposite reaction (boot). And furthermore, as you increase said action (more shots of Jaeger) there is indeed an equal and opposite reaction (more boot.)

So yes, Newton was a genius. But had he existed at the time, I don’t think there’s anything Newton didn’t teach that you couldn’t learn on say … Maury Povich. Let’s take Newton’s first law of Motion: “An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” This could easily be observed on any episode of Maury, especially any episode involving a paternity test. Witness:

An object at rest (Baby Mama) tends to stay at rest and an object in motion (Baby Daddy) tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction (away from said Baby Mama) unless acted upon by an unbalanced force (Maury Povich).

I really don’t know what my point was, at all, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that I like television and I’m tired of people telling me that TV rots your brain. I don’t know, maybe, next time someone gets on me for watching Maury I can say, “Shut up bitch, I’m learning physics.”

In the Beginning, God Created Mexicans

First of all, Mex to the Max is a slogan used by the restaurant Margarita's, which by the way, is a perfect example of "just because you name your restaurant after something doesn't mean that particular item is any good." For instance, the actual margaritas at Margarita's suck, whereas the margarita's at Molly's give me warm tingly sensations that eventually make me urinate. As an aside, I cannot comment on any Mollies at Molly's as I have never met, seen, or heard of a Molly at Molly's. But I digress. The term "mex to the max" is also a blitz nickname used by one of my staff members. I will discuss this "blitz" and these "students" at a later date. (This is where I try to intrigue you with vague references to things I hope to write about and will in turn tingle your curiousity and cause you to continue to read my bloglet ... providing of course I update it regularly and actually write about the things I seductively elude to.)

About me, your blogger extraodinaire: I was born in Columbus, NM. A U.S. citizen I grew up on the border speaking english and spanish and no, I have no accent in either language. Sometimes I'm happy about this, sometimes I'm saddened as things tend to sound funnier in an accent, and since I'm not an actor, I'm not great at doing fake accents. It tends to come out as someone impersonating Cheech Marin ... and not very well.

I am 27 going on 28, baby it's time to think ...

I work at Dartmouth College. This topic, also, will arise in the future.

I am recently engaged to my partner, Wilson.

I am a homosexual.

I like to state the obvious.

I also like to make people laugh. It's my "thing." If I can make people laugh I feel they like me, and I like when people like me.

I don't like when people don't like me.

I'm not, however, one of those people who will go to the ends of the Earth to try to get someone to like me. If you don't like me, you don't like me and I will probably make fun of you behind your back (and then write about you on my other blog).

I'm mature like that.

I have a penchant for run on sentences and belaboring a point. I feel the more verbose I become the greater chance of me saying something funny will arise. An economy of language is not this humorist's friend.

So at times I will post some monologues that otherwise would only occur in my head (where of course there was laughing) and sometimes I'll post some where maybe there could perhaps be laughter, but more than likely only a confused "huh?" will be produced. If you know me in real life, you may find somethings to be repetitive, or slightly altered. I feel that my interactions in daily life are a rehearsal for conversations I can then make more dramatic, humorous and intriguing when I write about them. This will cause people who don't know me to believe that I am as quick witted and lingually blessed as I appear on their computer screen. Cause, come on, who would really use the term "lingually blessed" in an actual conversation? Well, maybe Wilson, and you had a pleasant wake up call from me this morning.