Meanwhile, the window is wide open ...

Daniel: Do you have cramps? Would you like me to massage your ovaries?

Jenn: No!

Daniel: Dry hump?

Jenn: No!

Daniel: I'm an excellent ovary massager, Wilson, tell Jenn I'm an excellent ovary massager.

Wilson: Do you even know where the ovaries are?

Daniel: I would assume they're in this general region [points to pelvis].

Wilson: Yeah, well ... you know what she could really use is a heating pad.

Jenn: I'm fine. I have cramps but they're well managed by all the Motrin I took.

Wilson: Oh, okay. Do you have a tipped uterus?

Daniel: I can check that out for you.

Wilson: There's a three finger test.

Daniel: I have three fingers.

Wilson: I don't know which fingers, though. And I'm sure it's done from the outside.

Daniel: Like a shocker?

But I bet your tongue likes it ...

Brian: These Doritos really are nacho cheesier. I'm not sure how my colon feels about that.

Overheard at the Hop during lunch.

Jaywalk Rock Chalk

Pedestrians.

It is state law in New Hampshire to stop for pedestrians at crosswalks. Actually, you only have to stop for them if they've already begun to cross or if they are on your side of the street and are in the process of stepping out into the street. But I don't want to talk about pedestrians in crosswalks, with them I have no beef. What I do want to bring to the attention of every idiot savant out there in Dartmouthland is a little thing called "jaywalking."

I would like to take the opportunity to educate pedestrians to the fact that if you are not in a crosswalk, my happy ass does not have to stop for you. And believe me, I will take every opportunity to remind you of that. I don't want to hear anymore bullshit of, "Oh that's the culture around here," cause as hard as it is to change culture, it's harder to wake up from a coma from me and my Landrover mowing you down and launching you across the Green. Believe me, I have no problem testing this theory.

I also don't want to hear any more shit about "You shouldn't be driving that fast anyway," because there should be no reason an Ivy League educated person should just walk out in the middle of traffic anyway. I don't care how privileged you think you are, or if you didn't hear the car approaching cause you were listening to your iPod, which by the way you don't want me to get started on either, or that the light was red so the driver was going to have to stop anyway - I stop where the car in front of me ends ... if you are in between me and that point, be prepared to become very familiar with my bumper.

Think I'm rambling incessantly? Read this. That's right, it's your duty to stop for me when I'm driving and you're cutting across the street. So surrender to me and my car, lest ye surrender thine life to the asphault. That's right, I said it.

The "Overheard" Feature

I decided that once a week I would add a post that includes a compilation of quotes and conversations that made me laugh that week. To start it off,

Ben: My high school was the kind where everyone drove BMWs and Mercedes-Benz.

Jenna: In high school, I had a bus pass.

Overheard at a UGA function.